The Agility Show of the Future

Right you've done some training and now you are off to a show.

On arrival you join the queue for day parking for vans, past the camping with tents and vans area, past the tents and cars area and the vans with big caravans, vans with medium caravans and vans with small caravans and to the left of the cars with big caravans, cars with medium caravans and cars with small caravans. On the right is the 4x4 vehicles and to the front the cars.

Once parked in your designated area you join the queue for handler assessment measurement. After answering questions about your sex, age and experience, your height, weight and fat ratio are measured. Your heart rate taken before and after a 30 sec jog on the treadmill. You are then sent to the "not bad fitness for middle aged woman experienced handler" queue. After having your length of leg measured and the colour of your eyes noted and details taken of your prescription you are sent on to the "not bad fitness for middle aged short legged brown eyed experienced woman handler" queue.

At last your dog now gets some attention. Breed, age, eye colour, coat, colour, marking, height at withers, length of back, length of leg, weight and resting heart beat measured. Heart beat measured after 30 seconds on treadmill. Muscle to fat ratio measured and pitch of bark.

Although this is all a bit stressful and time consuming it will be worth it you think as you are pointed forward to ring 329.

What there is no queue, straight in, BRILLIANT you think as you stand there on the start line facing the finishing line. No equipment either! 

OK lets go for it and as you cross the line a cheer goes up and you get given your 1st place trophy and your placement card - 

1st in the day parking with vans, not bad fitness for middle aged, short legged, brown eyed, woman, experienced handler with a tri coloured, hazel eyed, border collie, 20 inches at the withers, 16.5 inches leg, 22 inches back, well toned and high level of fitness class.

Amazing lets go celebrate with all my equally successful friends whilst my dog chills in the van.

Rhyme Hiding